I recently found myself swimming in a deep sea of self pity. A huge wave of misery washed over me in the middle of a Zumba class led by my little Sis. Smack dab in the middle of shaking my booty, I had this realization: I didn’t even want to be there. I have my own workout routine. I enjoy doing Zumba, but I was missing my preferred Barre class to be there that evening.
I was there because I wanted to be a good Sister. I wanted my sibling to feel supported and encouraged in her new venture. I drove all the way across town in rush hour traffic to be there. At the end of class my mother and sister wanted to chat about a family brunch coming up on Sunday. I said very little, as I was still in shock over what I was feeling. As I walked out, I felt shame, guilt, loneliness, you name it. In my car, I began to cry. Just then, one of my dearest friends called. Of course I tried to keep it cool and conceal that I was upset. After all, I was being so selfish and childish. She new better, that something was up. After a little prying, I let it out. I told her everything I was feeling. It was a lot.
Of course she knew exactly what I was talking about because she, too, has spent many years being a people pleaser. Saying all of the right things and holding space for me, I was able to release this emotional avalanche. We started talking about other things, and I felt my strength return and a wave of peace settled in.
I realized the people I supply and support are the ones who really need it. They require encouragement and comfort from those with extra to give. Meanwhile, I hadn’t given myself an opportunity to receive, giving without contemplating the joy I could provide to those in my support network. Acknowledging that my care and consolation would not always spring from whom I most want to receive it, I was freed from blockage.
A few days later I received a gift from a complete stranger. It was a book that I had been wanting to read but hadn’t purchased. I couldn’t believe the generosity. Sending me a physical book in the mail? WOW, I felt so grateful and full of joy. Letting go of resistance immediately led to gifts flowing out of nowhere. I will continue to give, and know that accepting gratitude from those I support will keep me in the flow of Love.
have you missed a call, or a package while you were busy pleasing others? Have you graciously received lately? Please share by visiting my FB Page. Much Love!